I Am Not a Sysadmin, Not a Developer — I Am a Microblogger Masking as Normal

Ok. I just found out that I am not even going to be a sysadmin. It's a hard job. It needs to be risk management, accountability in the system, and minimising downtime, which I don't enjoy.

The problem I have is I am pushing myself to be normal – I mean, what others do. I mean, it's masking. I have neurodiversity, and yeah, I have learnt to do masking so that I can earn money, a job, and so on.

Plus, I think I am more like a micro-blogger and sometimes long-form though. TikTok or X or Threads, but it's self-hosted. It seems like begging for support is for me, though.

But I don’t know, I am confused. Too overwhelming. With many people wanting me to be their definition of success that earns RM and able to support family and myself. But yeah, I still am not.

I am just a guy who is unofficially bankrupt with five digits MYR debts I can't pay.